2020 Campaign Merch You Can Bet On This Holiday Season
Regardless of your political affiliation (or perhaps in spite of it!), you can find some of the most topical and amusing holiday gifts at the official shops for the 2020 Presidential hopefuls.
Whether you’re looking for stocking stuffers for like-minded friends or trying to egg(nog) on a contrarian family member with a good-natured ribbing, these Presidential campaign merchandise selections are your best bets for the holidays.
Gag gifts notwithstanding, the merch available at each candidate’s official store can be a good indication of the seriousness of the campaign in question. For example, a non-serious candidate with low odds to win the nomination is unlikely to have an expansive, clever selection of merch and gift ideas. Meanwhile, a candidate leading the political odds boards will usually have a fairly robust selection of doodads to choose from.
Without further ado, then, these are our top picks for all the best 2020 campaign merchandise at each Presidential candidate’s web store. The candidates are presented per their current primary betting odds, courtesy of Bovada.
Best Democrat Merch – What To Buy For The Democrat In Your Life (Or Your Republican Nemesis)
Joe Biden (+280)
The Joe Biden store is relatively uninspiring, with nary a “Corn Pop” item to be had. However, if you’ve just got to show off that Ridin’ With Biden swagger, the “Beat Him Like A Drum” shirt is as good as it gets. $30
Pete Buttigieg (+300)
Mayor Pete isn’t particularly well-liked, despite his current strong polling in early primary states. Still, the Buttigieg store has a fair bit of interesting stuff available. If the Indiana politician becomes the first openly gay President, for example, you can get in on the ground floor of that revolution by commemorating his husband Chasten as the US’ very first “First Gentleman” with this lovely tee. $27
Bernie Sanders (+450)
The Bernie Sanders campaign store has a lot to choose from, but none of it is particularly timely or timeless. He also seems to be flirting with the cardinal sin of putting his main rival’s name in one of his commercial slogans, as you can see in this “Bernie Beats Trump” deck of playing cards. $11
Elizabeth Warren (+450)
All the merch in the Elizabeth Warren shop looks like it was designed to adorn generic craft beer labels, which is appropriate for the candidate. Sorting through her heap big web store, the multimillionaire’s interesting take on capitalism sums up her campaign nicely. $30 (with rules)
Michael Bloomberg (+900)
While he’s got strong odds, Daddy Bloombucks has a disappointingly thin web shop for a billionaire. The best thing at the Michael Bloomberg store is this two-pack of uninspiring buttons that you can rep for less than tree fiddy (or a second medium soda pop). $3.25
Andrew Yang (+1400)
Andrew Yang merch is pretty baller, and the guy’s game has been strong since the outset. If you want to rep the #YangGang HAM, you have several good options to choose from. While you can find loads of fun stuff at the Yang store, his “Marijuana MATH Beanie” is our favorite of the bunch. $35
Amy Klobuchar (+3500)
Amy Klobuchar has a web store. If you know who Amy Klobuchar is, you can buy some Amy Klobuchar merch. This “Iguana Dad” wifebeater is acceptable, we suppose. $29
Tulsi Gabbard (+4500)
Though Tulsi Gabbard is one of the most Googled candidates, a bona fide firebrand on the debate stage, and the DNC’s persona non grata for the 2020 election cycle, the Gabbard store is surprisingly limited. The best thing there is this “Aloha Y’all” shirt, which seems to blend her Hawaiian roots with the American South for some reason. $24.99
Kamala Harris (+5000)
Kamala Harris merch still exists, even though she dropped out of the Democratic race. Maybe someone will choose her as a VP candidate. In the meantime, this “We, The People. She, The President” shirt is adequately ironic. $29.99
Cory Booker (+10000)
Cory Booker is running for President. Cory Booker has a web store. He’s selling a shirt with some random letters on it. It appears to say “Jussie.” We don’t get it. $30
Tom Steyer (+12500)
Tom Steyer hates other billionaires and wants more than anything to eliminate The Donald. However, just like Steyer to the rest of the DNC field, this “86/45” hat isn’t an actual threat. $28
Julian Castro (+12500)
For a guy with minimal media coverage, low odds, and no chance to be the DNC nominee, Julian Castro has put together a halfway respectable web store. This “Adios Trump” shirt, while erring in putting his opponent’s name front and center, is delightfully ‘80s. $29
John Delaney (+15000)
John Delaney is a totally credible candidate. That’s why he’s selling stress grips and pencil erasers. It was a close race, but the erasers win out in the end, mainly because you can get them without Delaney’s campaign logo. Because that makes sense. $1
Marianne Williamson (+15000)
Somehow, the Marianne Williamson shop doesn’t sell crystals. It’s hard to take the site seriously as a result, but if you’ve got to have one thing from this longshot’s 2020 campaign, her “Dept. of Peace” shirt ($25) is a good choice. That said, we’re going to go with the “Yada” shirt because Seinfeld will never not be relevant. Unlike Williamson. So long, Marianne. $10
Michael Bennet (+20000)
The Michael Bennet store doesn’t have much, but it does offer a small vinyl sticker with his gambling-related campaign slogan. Bet On Bennet! (But not really.) $4
Robby Wells (+20000)
Robby Wells is a creepy bald guy running for President. He doesn’t have a web store, so he doesn’t have a chance.
Deval Patrick (N/A)
The former governor of Massachusetts is running for President, but he’s so ineffectual that he couldn’t get a single student at Morehouse College to voluntarily attend his speaking engagement. For context, Patrick is black, and Morehouse is one of the premier HBCUs in the nation. That’s bad, but selling a single campaign yard sign for $25 is worse. (For comparison, Bernie sells his yard signs for $3 a pop.) On the other hand, Patrick is such a nobody that his sign is effectively theft- and vandalism-proof.
Best Republican Merch – What To Buy For Your Republican Friend (Or The Democrat You Hate)
Donald Trump (-600)
No candidate on either side of the aisle can compete with the Donald Trump campaign store. Trump campaign merchandise has been a hot commodity since 2015, and the MAGA movement is going stronger than ever. The first meme President knows how to market, and every day is a master class at the Trump shop. You can’t go wrong with anything on offer, and if you don’t have the 2016 classic red hat, that should be tops on your list.
Otherwise, there are several options to round out your Trump wardrobe. We recommend the bold KAG hoody ($55), the delightfully trollish “Woke Hat” ($35), the equally inflammatory “Snowflake” tee ($30), and the “Pencil-Neck Adam Shiff” shirt ($34). Of course, it’s Christmas, so the “Keep America Great Ugly Christmas Sweater” is our choice. $75. Please allow 3-4 weeks for delivery. LOL.
Oh, and don’t forget the wrapping paper!
Bill Weld (+8000)
Bill Weld is an old man with old-fashioned ideas. That’s why the official Bill Weld store sells things like coffee cups and this delightful women’s apron so “you don’t have to worry about keeping your clothes clean when cooking!” $30
Joe Walsh (N/A)
An unlicensed Star Wars parody shirt? That’s low-hanging fruit, even for a failed politician and out-of-work radio personality. Why even bother? $29.99
We recommend the other Joe Walsh store instead.
Beto O’Rourke (N/A)
Yes, we know Robert Francis is a Democrat, and we know he’s no longer running for President, but for Republicans, the guy released the single greatest piece of campaign swag going. And best of all, the Beto shop remains up and running, meaning you can still buy the shirt that killed his Presidential aspirations! For the gun lover in your life, say “Hell yes!” to this shirt. $30
Honorable Mention – For Those Who Political Party Hard!
Vermin Supreme (N/A)
Vermin Supreme runs for President every cycle, but he never gets any betting odds. It’s difficult to tell exactly why this candidate isn’t taken seriously, albeit it may have something to do with his particular brand of headwear. Nevertheless, if you align with Pony Politics and mandatory oral hygiene, you can proudly display your beliefs with this Christmas tree ornament from the Vermin Supreme store. $35